Kids always have something to say, whether it’s asking a lady about the holes in her ears or talking to people sitting next to them on the metro. Kids’ sayings are often super quotable because they contain so much truth.
Bright Side is never indifferent to funny stories, and we’ve found a bunch of them just for you off the Internet.
- I came to kindergarten to take my son home. There were a couple of other kids putting their clothes on and talking nearby. The boy said to the girl:
— “When we get married, try to not get fat or you won’t be able to fasten a belt with a pistol and won’t be able to run away from wolves.”
— “Why don’t you shoot those wolves with the pistol?” the girl asks him in a flirty manner.
The boy replied back at a loss:
— “Why kill them with the pistol? I’ll be chasing you together with them.”
What a wonderful scenario for family life! © lunaaprelia / pikabu
- I was on a bus and there was a mother with her daughter sitting next to me.
The girl was looking at me and said to her mom,
“Mom, do you know why this girl needs so many holes in her ears?” (I have 5 earrings in the right ear).
The mom then said, “Well, perhaps she likes it this way.”
The daughter replied, “No, to make sure her ears get aired.” © friendvasilisk2 / twitter
- I was with my brother on the playground. There was a 5 or 6-year-old girl nearby and she called her friends over to swing with her on swings for 2 people. A boy came up to her and asked, “Do you want me to swing you?” The girl looked at him in an assessing manner and said, “We will go and swing on other swings.” The pick-up failed. © PinkVaniL / twitter
- An unknown kid in a line pulled on the wire of the phone charger sticking out of my pocket. His mom says, “Honey, you can’t do that. I’m sorry.” The boy answers looking into my eyes, “Is this lady feeling pain? Is she a robot?” © flamingayer / twitter
© csiddle22 / reddit
“That’s why he was hiding in the playhouse.”
- I got a new friend, a boy named Jack who is 7 years old and 40 pounds. We turned up at the ground floor of our house in front of the elevator. He asked, “Which floor are you going to?” I said, “The first one, I’ll go on foot.” He took a deep sad sigh and said, “I’ll have to go on foot again.” “Why?” I asked him. He said, “I’m not heavy enough and the elevator doesn’t identify me.” © ttuuttaa / twitter
- I was drinking coffee in a café when a 4-year-old boy came up to me. He kept looking at me with his eyes wide open for quite a while.
Soon, his mother came and took his hand saying, “No, Tom, she is not your girlfriend. Let’s go!”
He replied back, “But why? When am I gonna finally find one?” © olya_dd / twitter
- I’ve just realized what the growing generation is all about.
An adult man is talking to a 5-year-old boy and asked him a question.
— “Space is so interesting. Would you like to visit Mars?”
— “No, there is no Wi-Fi there yet.”
© govnotakoe / twitter
- There was an old lady with her grandson sitting in front of me on the bus. The lady said her grandson was going to start school next year.
Grandson: “I won’t go. It’s out of the question.”
Grandson: “Because all kids who go to school come back gloomy and not happy.” © CatJuls / twitter
© buckbeaksarmy / reddit
“My mom gave my daughter 2 $1 bills. She took it upstairs and ’made more money.’”
- I was on a bus and there was a 4-year-old girl sitting in front of me and whispering something in her mother’s ear. The mom said something like, “Stop thinking about it.” The girl got even more excited and looking at me seriously, said, “Your hair looks like my cat’s. I want to stroke it right away!”
© _UNESCO_K / twitter
- The situation on the playground:
— “Hey girl, let’s play mother and daughter.”
— “Don’t climb the ladder, don’t pour sand on the road, don’t throw your toys! I told you don’t go there, you’ll fall. Or we’ll go back home now!”
© _StoleYourTV_ / twitter
- I was on a bus and there was a father with his son sitting on his lap next to me. The boy turns to his dad and says, “Dad, let’s give our seat to this lady. She looks as if she is about to die.” © alexygoncharova / twitter
- I don’t know what has just happened, but I was at the animal shelter before work and a toddler walked in and pointed at me and went, “I want that one,” and his mom just looked at me and said, “You can’t have that, that’s a grown man.” © dannynett / twitter
- There is something wrong with the expression of my face or it’s just the Sunday morning to blame. A father with his son (about 3 years old) had just sat with me at a table in McDonald’s. Suddenly the boy ran away. He claimed he was too scared to sit with me.
His dad said, “Come on, she is not going to bite you.”
And the boy answered quietly, “She is.” © Kimel_feld / twitter
What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard a kid say?