A happy marriage does indeed make you happy, according to Harvard psychologist Dr. Daniel Gilbert. He states that married people are happier than unmarried ones, because the single best predictor of human happiness is the quality of their social relationships. However, having a happy marriage is not that easy to do, it requires a lot of work, devotion, and genuine love.
Bright Side has gathered 10 vital tips from divorce experts that show how to keep or turn your marriage into a happy and successful one.
1. Don’t sideline “small” issues.
No matter how small some issues might seem at first, they add up and can make future arguments even worse, or even build resentment. They can build up and become so powerful that they could ruin a marriage. Divorce lawyer James Sexton says that the marriage is a living organism. We all have to be responsible and not let resentment build up because we are unwilling to confront problems.
2. Discuss each other’s needs.
It is good to communicate your needs and wants with your partner to make sure that you understand each other perfectly and to ensure that there are no secrets about them and no misunderstandings. According to Sexton, it’s important to pay attention to your own needs, as well as your partner’s needs. Then you should communicate about these things: what you need, want, like, and don’t like.
3. Little selfless acts of service are some of the most important things you can do in a relationship.
The “little things” and details in your relationship should never be ignored or forgotten. If you like to make coffee for your spouse in the morning, don’t stop doing it. If you like to surprise them with a small gift or their favorite snack once a week — keep doing it. That goes for any and all small gestures in your marriage, because the little things matter and can sometimes be enough to put a smile on your partner’s face.
According to Sexton, little gestures can go a long way and are very important. Not just that, but selfless acts of service for your significant other can improve the quality of your marriage. And it’s easy to forget about these things if you’ve been together for a long time. However, you should try to not let these small, but very important, acts of love disappear from your marriage.
4. Spending even 15 minutes a day exclusively with each other will be beneficial.
Spending real, quality time together is key to a successful and happy marriage. Even as little as 15 minutes a day would be enough, as long as that’s genuine and exclusive time just for you and your spouse. Show affection like you did when you were dating, and listen to each other, talk about plans, goals, and your marriage. These things should not be forgotten or discarded just because you’ve been married for a while.
5. Compliments shouldn’t be kept private.
Compliments shouldn’t just be kept private, in some cases, people don’t mind being complimented publicly in front of other people, friends, or family members. Of course, your partner will tell you if they are comfortable being complimented in public and if that is the case, don’t be afraid to do it.
6. People want to be loved differently than you do, and you should adapt to it.
You may consider certain things romantic, while your partner thinks other things are more romantic. You have your own preferences when it comes to showing love or making loving gestures, and your partner might have their own different ones. Just because you think roses are the perfect flower that shows love, it doesn’t mean that your spouse believes the same. You should know what they like, what they consider romantic, and you should adapt to that so you can give them the love they deserve.
7. Don’t think that just because you have a spouse, you can let yourself go.
Just because you’ve been together for years doesn’t mean that you should stop caring about how you look. There’s a good chance your spouse will love you for who you are, but showing them that you still want to look good and dress nicely for them is good for your marriage.
8. It’s important to do things together, but also remember to have a life outside of your marriage.
You can’t just go to work, then eat together, watch some TV, and go to bed forever. It’s good to do things together that you both enjoy, things that will show that you care about your relationship and that you genuinely enjoy being around your partner. On the other hand, it’s also good to spend time apart and enjoy time by yourself, doing things you like or hanging out with your friends. A healthy balance is needed in every relationship.
9. If you’re not best friends — you’re not doing it right.
Marriage is not just a legal contract, it has to be more than just a loving relationship too, it has to be a friendship, as, according to divorce researcher Dr. John Gottman, deep friendship is the foundation for a happy marriage. According to him, happy couples should respect each other and enjoy their time together. They should know each other very well — things such as likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams.
10. Don’t let your significant other forget how much you love and appreciate them.
Saying “I love you” every day, whether it’s in the morning, before bed, or anywhere in between, is something so easy to do and it can make your spouse’s day. Loving words, gestures, and anything else you can think of are very important for a happy marriage. Furthermore, in times when you might not be feeling the feeling of love, you shouldn’t ignore these 3 words. In fact, that’s when they are most important as they generate those feelings.
Do you think marriage is just a contract or something much more than that? And those of you who are married, what tips and secrets would you give to others for a happy, loving, and successful marriage?
